


Side Effects of Death May Include:

by burbking



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Porn With Plot, Shower Sex, Sparring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-02-16 07:10:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18686626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burbking/pseuds/burbking
Summary: Shiro is struggling with emotions that he's always been able to control in the past. He knows that the feelings festering inside himself are nothing more than a disgusting betrayal of Keith's trust. Its become easier to push away the guilt he feels when his impure thoughts drift to his best friend, but the only rational part of his mind left knows that he can never admit the truth.





	1. Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look I have the memory of a goldfish so this is loosely based on canon timeline. It takes place right around the beginning of season 7. I rewatched the first episode of the season, had a cry, and then this hot pile of garbage was born. 
> 
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr](https://burbking-art.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/burbking)
> 
> The song [Islands by Zola Blood](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeurGdQH8rQ) was playing on repeat while I wrote this fic, because if left unchecked, I will squeeze out every once of endorphins from a song before my shit brain tells me I can't harvest anymore joy from it. Probably gonna write something for every song in this small [Sheith playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/74DZYo95PuvSU0XH2jDL1Q?si=9tRj8rMAQ4elFxZCWsRWbw) I made.

It’s was one thing to lose a friend, but it was another to be the one that had been lost. Although the black lion had put Shiro’s consciousness back into his clone’s body, he had felt more or less the same as he had before he died.

Except there was something wrong with him. Something off. He’d silently become a monster and it scared him how little self control he had anymore.

Shiro had always loved Keith. It _was_ platonic, it was always _meant_ to be innocent. But his affection had taken a wrong turn. He didn’t want this body’s memories... his memories, one would suppose.

This body had tried to kill Keith.

The desperate plea that had come from the paladin during their battle; _“Shiro please. You’re my brother. I love you." ..._ It made his feelings all the more disgusting. But it had gotten harder to control himself and easier to ignore the guilt.

He was drowning in all his depravity and Keith Kogane was the victim of his affection.

—

He was being too rough with Keith during their sparring practice, finding any excuse to graze the paladin. His movements bordered on volatile, something completely out of character for the mature man. A one track mind lead to his scattered movements. He realized the more he threw Keith around, the slower the paladin’s responses were, making it easier for him to make physical contact. Touching his waist, legs, the small of his back, whatever he could to feel that body under his fingertips even through the barrier of their armor.

In a final self serving move as Keith thrust his blade missing Shiro’s face thanks to a graceful dodge, he grabbed the outstretched arm and used the momentum of the attack to pull Keith to the ground and pin his body to the old padded mats.

They laid there like that, Shiro resting most of his body weight on top of his sparring partner, panting into each others faces inches apart catching their breath. Keith’s breath felt so good against his skin and it took a minute to regain composure. His mind was quick to go to a dark place. He wanted to see that face panting with pleasure, pupils blown out and begging for him.

Keith was the first to break eye contact, dropping his head to the side. Shiro's heart sank a little, not fully grasping why it felt like an accusation aimed at him, telling him Keith knew what a disgusting beast he had hiding in his head.

Shiro sighed, hot breath caught squarely on Keith’s neck and he saw the boy underneath him shiver. It was so quick that if he hadn’t been staring at the kid’s perfect face he would have thought he’d imagined it. Maybe this had actually been Keith's invitation? Soft warm flesh on his neck exposed, ready to have soft kisses trail down the surface. A warm tongue eager to catch the sweat dripping down. He was allowed to dream, right?

They were almost crotch on crotch and his partial erection pressed against their suits. Thank fuck two rigid metal plates shielded his dick from any awkward admissions. He knew none of his lust driven thoughts were what Keith wanted.

He rolled himself off with a grunt and flopped on his back. Keith sprang up and offered him help off the ground.

“I think we should call it a day,” Shiro muttered as he took the extended hand that pulled him up with more force than he’d anticipated. When had this kid gotten so strong?

“You tired already, old timer?” Keith chided bouncing side to side on the balls of his feet throwing fake punches in his direction. Shiro hand't seen Keith this plucky in a while, he idly wondered what had made him so happy.

“I literally just kicked your ass seven times, Keith. Have mercy on me,” he joked back as casually as he could, throwing in a chuckle and half smile for good measure. Shiro shifting uncomfortably, trying to inconspicuously readjust himself to better hide his massive hard on. He knew he wasn’t being helpful at this point, and if the two of them continued practice like this, he may do something terrible to Keith. The best thing he could do right now was put distance between them. So, he cut the session short under the guise of an upset stomach, trying to not notice the way Keith's shoulders sank as he excused himself.

He made a calm retreat back to his quarters but once he was inside he frantically smashed his first on the door control until it shut and pealed his sweat covered uniform off.

Cold air hit his calming erection making him shiver. He palmed at it slowly, thinking of moments ago when Keith was helplessly underneath him and it hadn’t taken much to get himself worked up again, slick with precum.

He decided to jump in the shower, might as well knock out two birds with one stone. ' _Maximum efficiency_.' A snicker escaped his lips, because he was making jokes now, like that was totally normal. ' _You're going to_ _masturbate to your best friend like it's nothing, you fucking monster.'_

The white haired paladin slid into the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and walked into the shower. The water grew warmer until it was too hot for comfort but he closed his eyes and let the shame sizzle off of him, along with his skin.

How would things have gone earlier if he’d just let loose? He probably would have pinned Keith’s arms down and lowered his head in gently to meet his lips. Their tongues moving warmly against each other as Keith arched his back up trying to pull his arms away from Shiro's grasp, rutting their crotches together through all the material. Unsatisfying through all the layers, but building their way up to what he really wanted to do. ' _I want to touch you too._ ' Keith whimpered in his head and Shiro wanted to absolutely destroy hi'm. It almost sickened him how much he wanted it, how much he wanted Keith. He wanted to hear his name panted from those lips. All the moaning and pleasure he could drag out of that perfect little mouth. It fucking hurt how munch he _wanted_.

He grabbed onto the wall for support as he fucked up savagely into his hand. He pressed his body to the cold of the tile, the drastic change in temperature making him shudder, sobbing brokenly as he bit down on his knuckles.

_'I’m so sorry Keith. I just want to do such vile things to you.'_

His eyes rolled back into his head, wet lewd noises filling the air as he gasped and moaned loudly into the echoing walls. Their rooms were right next to each other, it was impossible not to be heard if Keith was in. He didn’t care. He wanted to be heard.

Shiro gave out a final cry as his trembling hands pumped his swollen dick through his orgasm. Unstable knees giving out as he crashed to the floor.

Shiro wanted nothing more than to love Keith in the ugliest way possible and all his shame came washing back over him as he let the water beat down on pink burning skin. He brought his legs up to his chest and sobbed quietly into his knees as all evidence of what he’d just done washed down the drain.

Why was it so easy to pervert the image he had of Keith? Like he wasn’t just a kid when they met, one that relied on him as a "brother". Why? Why couldn’t he stop himself? He knew Keith was 22 already but the 5 year age difference still got to him. Their _history_ got to him. He tried not to dwell on it too much, but did that just make him more complicit in this disgusting game he'd deluded himself into? Did knowing it was wrong but choosing not to acknowledge how terrible it was make it worse? Looking your best friend in the eyes while unraveling him in your mind wasn't okay. It was never going to be okay.

It was only the beginning of the week but it must have said something that he'd already jacked off to thoughts of Keith eight times since his will had broken, and he'd given in to his desires. Desires he thought he'd become a master of suppressing a long time ago, long before his death. This new body just seemed way worse at self restraint. It was really the only rational explanation he could think of.

God, he fucking hated Mondays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the typos if you find any, I’m hella dyslexic.


	2. Denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated tags and I drew art!
> 
> If you wanna see more of my art, shuffle you're butt on over to my [Tumblr](https://burbking-art.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/burbking)

Quite some time had past since they'd been able to enjoy themselves. Life at times like these made it hard to even take a breath for more than five minutes. Or however long it took before they were off trying to fix the universe again.  
  
Shiro and Keith had settled down for a movie. It was just the two of them; Shiro hadn't really been eager to ask the other paladins to join, but he did so out of obligation regardless. Thankfully they all had their own plans to relax on their much needed day off, so Shiro wasn't complaining. Movie nights had always been his thing with Keith. After joining Voltron, movie nights had gotten a bit more crowded then they were used to. It was always great, no doubting that, but in the past Shiro had always loved being able to have alone time with just Keith. He wanted to be able to do that again.  
  
The main lounge room seemed too big for the two of them, so Keith offered up his room for the viewing. They sprawled out on Keith's bed, sitting on it like a couch with their backs to the far wall; the smaller paladin shoved a face full of popcorn in his mouth and looked at Shiro, who took that as the cue to start the movie on the small tablet in his lap. He pressed play and made a huge scene of stretching his arms out before placing one over Keith's shoulder.  
  
Keith laughed and tried to shake him off but some puppy dog eyes and a few pouty faces later, he'd given in with an eye roll and small chuckle. Shiro's puppy dog eye never failed. Mostly because they looked ridiculous on his strong features and his dumb faces always made Keith soften up.  
  
He wasn't really sure he understood the premise of the movie. It was some weird alien romcom Lance had been going on about for ages. Something about a prince and princess running away from their responsibilities to start a farm? Shiro kept asking questions. The whole thing so far had just been confusing, but the warmth of their touching legs felt comforting and familiar -  that was something he didn't need help understanding.  
  
As the movie played on, it seemed as though Keith couldn't quite keep focused on it. His brows knit in concentration as he drew absent circles around the Garrison logo on Shiro's old sweatpants with his finger. The fabric clung loosely to Shiro's thighs but began to bunch up and get tighter the longer he continued to trace. It had gotten a little distracting at that point.  
  
Shiro gave Keith's shoulder a little squeeze, not bothering to pause the movie. His expression betrayed his concern as he spoke, "You’ve got something on your mind.” He’d phrased it as a statement because there was no question Keith was mulling something over.  
  
Keith's fingers stopped and retreated into his own lap. "Everything is different now."  
  
"What is?"  
  
Shiro watched Keith's face twist in confusion as he mulled the words over in his head trying to pick the right thing to say.  
  
"You stopped treating me the way you did when we were in the Garrison."  
  
Where had that come from? He wasn't sure he followed, "What do you mean?"  
  
"You've been really distant with me, Shiro. You keep running away from me when we're alone. You excuse yourself every time I ask you to practice fighting with me."  The words started off innocuous, but Keith's tone was beginning to betray him. He was clearly angry. "I've seen you actively avoid walking down the same hallway as me! What did I do? Why does it feel like you're trying to push me away?"  
  
"Keith, stop," he said quietly. His posture going ridged as he stared off at a random spot on the wall. He couldn't admit that it was harder for him to be around Keith these days. How was he supposed to explain that he felt shame when he was aroused by him, guilty, because asking for anything more than friendship would be taking advantage of him. He knew he'd been a rock in Keith's life and he didn't want to take that away from him just to fulfill his own selfish desires. Shiro didn't know how to tell him the truth, the whole trust at least... "This isn't your fault, Keith. I feel like I've stopped being able to tell what I'm doing with myself," he tilted his head to face Keith. "I know this is still me but it's not. The Shiro you saved wasn't me but I'm trying to be again." _'I'm trying to be good for you. I want to control myself around you.'_  
  
Keith had matured considerably over his two years in warped space, both mentally and physically. Even with that said, Keith was still Keith. He just wasn't sure if he was still Shiro anymore.  
  
"Don't worry about it too much I'm figuring it out." He patted Keith's messy mullet and grinned, "This," he motioned to the movie, "is just like old times though, right?"  
  
Keith went back to staring at the screen with a frown, "Yeah." He began to open his mouth wanting to add to the conversation just as loud moaning started coming from the small tablet where the neglected movie was still streaming  
  
As if Lance had somehow known and timed everything perfectly to ruin any half decent moment, an incredibly awkward gratuitous sex scene had filled the entire room/tablet screen. The two men grew red, seeing the  characters passionately tangled in each other's arms. Shiro, immediately self conscious of his arm, reclaimed it from around Keith's shoulder repositioning it to grip his own elbow. Both subconsciously leaned away from the other and Keith let out an uncomfortable laugh. They couldn't make eye contact.  
  
When the movie ended, Shiro went back to his room. He was glad Keith hadn't turned on the lights because it hid a blush that crept on his face with the intensity of a 3rd degree sunburn. He was trying to keep his thoughts innocent but of course, he couldn't keep his mind off of touching Keith. Butterflies in his stomach made getting back to his room a difficult feat on wobbly knees. His own room became a welcome change of scenery. It was quiet, dark, and more importantly empty…  
  
He got under the covers but it felt too warm. In fact, his clothes were feeling a bit unreasonably hot all together. Just thinking about how Keith had said he wanted to spend more time alone with him was enough to get him excited. _That sort of thing_ was not what he had meant, Shiro knew that wasn't what Keith meant, but it felt good to hear Keith say he wanted his attention. He may have been getting tired, but his dick wasn't.  
  
He stripped off his shirt, pulled his pants and underwear down to his ankles while kicking everything including his covers to the floor. He propped himself up with a pillow against his back and lazily ghosted his pointer finger up and down the underside of his shaft, coming to a rest at the head. The light touch made him shiver.  
  
“Fuuuuck,” he groaned, giving his cock a slow tug, precome leaking from the tip from just the image of Keith _naked, standing over him eyes glazed over, face flushed, before slowly crawling up to meet him. Keith straddled his lap, rutting their dicks together feverishly cupping them both in his hand, free hand teasing playfully at his own nipples as his blueish-grey eyes locked to Shiro's. The older paladin's hand threaded into the tangle of Keith's raven hair before harshly pulling back and bringing that soft neck to his lips. A cry fell out of Keith's mouth as Shiro began sucking harsh dark bruise down to his collar bone._  
  
_"Tell me what to do," Shiro whispered "Tell me how to love you."_  
  
_"I want to be closer. I want to feel you" Keith crooned as he slid his hand away from his own chest so he could hold Shiro's hand, locking their fingers together. He brought the back of Shiro's palm to his lips and gave it a kiss._  
  
_Keith raised himself up, positioning Shiro's dick to his entrance, and slid down slowly to take the whole length inside him. Lustful groans leaving his lips._  
  
_"Please," he said, "don't be gentle."_  
  
_He was fucking gone. Shiro's metallic hand dug into Keith's hip for leverage as he thrusted roughly up into him._  
  
He struggled to calm himself as the fantasy took hold and he got closer so much quicker then he wanted. He was absolutely tired though so he wasn't about to fight it.  
  
With a final muffled moan, back pressing further into the wall and metallic fingers digging into the mattress as his body seized, he came all over himself. He stroked himself through the orgasm, whimpering as the last little bit dribbled and spurted out, heart racing and stuttering in his chest as he watched the door suddenly shoot open with a very shocked Keith standing on the other side.  
  
"SHIT." His stomach dropped.  
  
He darted for the discarded sheets laying on the ground at his feet.  
  
"This isn't what it looks like," he panicked before the door shut and he was left in the thick silence.  
  
Fuck. Keith was never going to speak to him again.  
  
Shiro wanted to run after him but he stopped and looked down at the pitiful mess he had just left all over himself. He couldn't go talk to Keith like this, covered in shame. Picking up the discarded linen, he did his best to clean up the dried cum before throwing it back into a pile on the floor. He grabbed his sweatpants and forced his way into them quickly, hopping as he pulled the waistband up and let the elastic snap with a dull thud to his hips. He headed for the door again before stopping himself and trying to find a shirt as well to cover himself. It would just make it worse to show up shirtless, almost suggestively, especially after the appalling event Keith had just walked in on.  
  
Inhaling all the stale air that could filled his lungs, he headed down the hall to the neighbouring door. What was he supposed to say? _'I was just scratching an itch?'_ No! That excuse just seemed insulting to Keith's intelligence. He'd obviously seen Shiro jizzing all over himself. So maybe, _'Hey Keith, don't feel weird about seeing me orgasm.'_ Because saying 'no homo, bro' would definitely smooth things over... Maybe just the direct route then? _'Sorry but I masturbate to you sometimes, it's cool though I won't try anything so no need to freak out.'_ Even considering that as an option told him he'd lost his mind. It was very obviously not an option. Ever. In any universe. But he had to say something, anything, because before he knew it he was standing in front of a large metal door.  
  
He gently rapped his knuckles on the cold unforgiving surface. "Keith?"  
  
He waited.  
  
"Keith, please. Let me in." He pressed his ear to the door waiting but couldn't hear anything on the other side. Shiro closed his eyes and sighed. He turned around putting his back to the door, leaning into it like it was the only thing keeping him upright.  
  
"Please" he whispered in vain.  
  
_'I feel like I'll lose myself again without you.'_  
  
Not sure of what he should do, he did nothing- just slid down the door onto his ass and waited. Hours past and he still sat there, the adrenaline of it all had faded away so it was getting harder for him to keep his eyes open. He gave in closing his eyes to rest them for a minute, just a minute. Then he fell asleep.  
  
  
  
\--  
  
  
  
After the movie winded down, whatever remnants of conversation had left both of them. It had become a bit too awkward to continue on with normal conversation all together. Shiro had gotten up to go back to his room. Of course to Keith, this sorta seemed like just another excuse for Shiro to rain check him. Again.  
  
Keith laid in bed for a good fifteen minutes, staring at the ceiling and becoming more agitated. He got up and started pacing his room. He really wanted to finish their talk tonight, but first he needed to think of what to say. He didn't need Shiro to have any lingering guilty feelings about trying to kill him. It seemed like the only logical conclusion he'd been able to draw as to why Shiro kept blowing him off. He knew that must have been why his friend was being so distant.  
  
So what if they had just watched aliens fuck like their lives depended on it? He wanted this conversation to happen today. It wasn't gonna be weird unless he made it weird.  
  
With determination, Keith marched out his door and walked down the hall. Once he reached Shiro's door he paused and stood outside like a fucking idiot not sure if he should knock. He thought he heard laboured breathing, so he pressed his ear to the door. Was... was Shiro crying? He opened the door without announcing his presence and walked in, "Shiro, can we talk? I didn't mean to-"

Keith was fucking stunned, eyes growing wide as he stared at a post orgasm Shiro. Was his heart still beating? Was he even breathing? Why had he come here again?  
  
He watched Shiro panic to cover himself briefly before just turning around, closing the door, and walked back to his room in a trance-like state.  
  
_'You just saw Shiro's dick. Bravo, you absolute bastard.'_  
  
Keith locked the door to his room and sat on his bed. His mind was an absolute mess, he'd been harbouring feelings for his best friend since they'd met and he had just seen him, eyes blown out and fucked up covered in his own jizz. It hadn't been long enough to take in all the details he would have liked because of course Shiro had realized that someone was watching him and freaked out. Still though, was it terrible that Keith saw this as walking in on the masturbation jackpot?  
  
He looked down at the tent pitched in his pants and slid his left hand below his waist band. He touched himself tentatively at first underneath the clothing, not wanting to give it air or watch himself, in case his conscious decided to put a stop to what he was doing.  
  
He could imagine Shiro as much as he wanted but that wasn't going to change the fact that he wasn't actually here doing these things to Keith. He never would be... Keith brought his right hand up to his mouth to stifle the small moans and sobs escaping him as he began to cry and warm salty tears rolled down his cheeks. _'I wish you thought of me when you touched yourself, Shiro.'_

As his confidence grew, he pulled himself out if his shorts and began to work at his stiff erection. He removed his right hand from his mouth, slipping his saliva and tear slicked fingers into his ass. It was horrible lube, but the stinging seemed to subside almost immediately as his left hand worked in tandem around his cock.  
This is how it would work, right? If Shiro had been here, he would be doing this, getting Keith ready to be fucked. Keith didn't have to leave size up to imagination anymore.  
The knock at the door made him jolt up in fear, his body tensed making his ass clench around his fingers. He couldn't stop now, he didn't want to.  
  
He knew if he'd opened that door, Shiro would have begged him to forget what he saw. He NEVER wanted to forget though, the image would have to be pried from his cold dead body. If Shiro was going to make the frigid reality set in, it was going to be tomorrow. At least Keith had his memories of tonight to keep warm, the image of Shiro left in his mind was all he needed.  
  
The voice on the other side of the door continued to call for him dejectedly but Keith kept as quiet as he could, holding back whimpers as he fucked himself on his own hand wishing for more. If this was the only way he could hear his named being called out by the person he loved, if this was all he could have, then he'd make the most out of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're fucking idiots.
> 
> Seriously though. Yell at me on [Tumblr](https://corrosivedemigod.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/burbking)


	3. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith is angry. Shiro is full of self pity. They’re both dumb as shit.

Keith watched as Shiro's head hit the ground, jolting him from sleep. Shiro had scrunched up uncomfortably against his door during the night, unwilling to let him escape the inevitable conversation that neither of them wanted to have.

“My bad,” Keith yawned while Shiro got to his feet. 

“So Keith, about last night-”

“Good morning to you too.” He snapped a bit irritated.

Shiro frowned, “Yeah. Yes, good morning. I want to talk abo-”

Keith mimicked Shiro's expression interjecting pointedly, “I slept fine, thank you for asking.” 

In exasperation, Shiro slapped his palms to his face and took a few steps into the room, closing the distance between them. “I'm glad to hear that but-” 

Shiro wasn't getting the picture and Keith was not having it this early in the morning. "We're not going to talk about that. I didn't see anything last night, I didn't even have my contacts in.” Admissions would have made things worse. So so much worse. He'd jacked off to his best friend last night as he slept outside the door. The best friend, who he'd accidentally walked in on and saw covered in cum. 

“Keith... you don't wear contacts.” Shiro said reluctantly. 

His face grew hot with panic. “You don't know my eyes!!!”

Shiro started with confusion written all over his pretty little face. “Um... what?”

“Uuuuh.”He had to come up with a better excuse. _'Why the fuck am I such a fucking dumbass?!?'_ He had to- “Just- don't worry about it because I didn't see anything and no one has to be embarrassed about looking at an erection. Right? I mean who even said anything about having an erection? Or jacking off. Shit, I mean no one was masturbating last night. Cool, glad that conversation it over. You can leave now.” His words were racing a mile a minute as he pushed Shiro towards the door. “See you for sparring practice later. Okay bye.”

"Keith, wait!" Shiro turned around as the door was shut in his face, confused and still incredibly anxious about the whole situation.

 

 --

 

The ball of nerves festering in Shiro’s stomach was telling him to skip out on training. But, after last night's conversation about trying to not be alone around Keith, he was pretty sure avoiding him again would land him in deeper shit. He was stuck between Keith and a hard place, or more aptly: a hard place was stuck between him and Keith.

Keith was already on the training floor when Shiro mustered up the guts to show up.

A look of relief painted over Keith concentration for a split second before he went back to kicking the sparring bots' asses.

They had both shown up in casual clothes: Keith in black jeans and shirt, and Shiro (who hadn’t bothered to change at all) was still in his sweatpants from the night before.

Keith came to a break in his attacks, after a roundhouse kick sent the last bot crashing into a wall making the advanced metallic sparring partner sputter and collapse. Shiro's eyes followed Keith's hand as he wiped the sweat off his brow and gestured towards his water not bothering to make eye contact. Shiro looked down to his side where it was resting on a ledge, grabbed it, and walked it up to Keith. 

“You could have just thrown it.”

He shrugged almost bashfully taking a step back. “Oh yeah, I guess I could have.”

Keith made a face at the distance Shiro had pit between them. He actually wanted to be physically closer to Shiro, he’d been trying to convey gratitude but his voice sounded accusatory. Keith knew his words always somehow had an adverse effect. Why couldn't his stupid mouth just communicate properly like a normal person? He was having a hard time thinking of what to say, so he just shrugged before blandly adding, “You didn't change clothes.”

 “No, I didn't.”

The two looked at each other as if waiting for the other to add to the conversation. The awkward silence growing between them was palpable. Keith was pretty sure even his bayard would have a hard time cutting through the heavy atmosphere filling the room. 

Shiro watched Keith start fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, lifting it so he could wipe the sweat from his brow. His gaze followed Keith's hand to his muscled torso before clearing his throat, and in all of his saving grace, breaking the silence snapping them both back to reality, “So... should we start?” 

“Sounds good.”

 

\--

 

Their “practice” for all intents and purposes was driving Keith absolutely fucking mad. Since neither of them had really shown up fully prepared, Keith had suggested continuing his hand to hand combat training; no weapons, victory for the last one to yield. Shiro had accepted the conditions with a half hearted shrug and gotten into position. That was all fine and good, normal even, but at least two hours had passed and Shiro hadn't laid a hand on Keith once. He’d instead taken the passive role of skillfully evading all of the shorter paladin’s attacks.

Shiro had more experience than him but Keith wasn't sure if Shiro was showing off, or he’d just found yet another way of avoiding him while being completely present.

Keith’s temper was bubbling closer to the surface with every dead-faced side step and dodge. Shiro was fucking mocking him. Had to be. He was taunting Keith with how he’d always be just an inch out of reach. They were only going to drift further apart and Keith couldn't stop it.

The raven haired paladin panted heavily, bent over resting his hands on his knees. Who did Shiro think he was? Keith had spent years pining after the man, losing him to Adam, then the Kerberos mission, then the fucking Galra, only to _finally_ get him back. He was even stupid enough to entertain the idea that his feelings could go somewhere. It felt so good every time he caught Shiro staring at him, or even praising him with innocent physical contact. But everytime he felt like he got the courage to say something, he was reminded that the emotional whiplash was real. Shiro would pull away when things would start going anywhere and Keith was getting tired of dancing with a partner who didn’t understand his moves.

“WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?” he snapped straightening himself and lunging forward with all his pent up rage.

A look of distress plastered Shiro's stunned face before Keith's fist collided squarely with his jaw. Shiro's hand instinctively shot up to cup the fresh impact. His head hung to the side in brief silence before his listless arm dropped from his face. 

Keith hadn't expected his wild swing to actually make contact. “Shiro I’m so sorry! I didn't mean to hit you that hard.” His brows knit together in alarm as he brought his hands up to cover the guilt washing over his face.

The white haired paladin continued to look at the ground as an almost terrifying smirk overtook his face. “Did that feel good?” he asked gently.

Keith tensed. “Hitting you? No! Shiro I’m sorry-”

“Do you want to hit me again?” His voice deadpanned as he brought his head up to gaze into Keith's eyes. “Will it make you feel better?” His expression grew darker as he continued, “We both know I deserve it.” 

“You don't deserve to get hit, what are you talking about? I didn’t mean to actually hurt you. I thought you would dodge it.”

“I won't run away, Keith. If it's what you want I'll stand here and take it.”

“No!! Of course that's not what I want!” Keith groaned while his hands trailed down his own face in frustration. “This isn't right! None of this is right!” He grabbed Shiro by the arm and began steering them towards his room, dragging the taller paladin behind him. His grip was solid, but even through the confident lead he’d taken, Shiro could feel Keith’s hand shaking on his wrist.

 

\--

 

When they got to Keith's room, he planted Shiro, leaving him standing 3 feet from the bed. “Stay there.” He ordered and went to sit down on his mattress. “I'm going to even the stupid playing field.” 

Keith fiddled with his belt awkwardly as he tried to pull it off. He looked up at Shiro who was stone faced, lips cemented together in a tight line. His eye seemed to be twitching from the strain of keeping his face composed.

Keith slid his trousers down a few inches where his soft member rested limply against his thigh with nothing in between to shield it from view. He grabbed it and tried to bring it to life, cursing under his breath as the mix of fear and embarrassment were obviously giving him performance anxiety. He brought up his other hand to tease his nipple through his shirt as his dominant hand began to circle the head of his dick. He let out a whimper caught in his throat as he finally began to stiffen in his own hand.

How was this even remotely the same playing field?!? Keith had just walked in on the tail end of him jacking himself off, but this… Fuck. He was getting the whole show.

Keith tentatively locked eyes with him, “Everything can be good now after this, right?” 

That was a good question, how could he look at Keith after this? How could he keep pretending, letting things go back to normal, if he watched this? If he continued watching Keith whimpering and bucking into his own hand, making such delicious lustful noises... Shiro couldn't just watch, he wanted to touch. He wanted to feel, to smell, to taste Keith under him. Just watching wasn't enough, and entirely too much at the same time.

“Keith,” his words were barely audible, “I can't do this.” He squeezed his eyes shut and walked for the door. He had to leave now before he lost his composure and did something he would regret and Keith would hate him for.

“No, Shiro please. Please I need you to watch. I want us to be even, okay?” Keith had stopped what he was doing and crawled on his bed in Shiro's direction, his voice breaking “I-I please Shiro I just want-”

“Please don't ask me to do this,” he begged, voice rising as he slammed his fist on the door. He was unable to turn around and look at the only person he loved. “You don't know what you're doing.”

“Shiro, come on, I need it to stop being weird! If I let you see the same thing I did, we could put this all behind us, right? We can go back to normal!” The panic was evident as Keith's own shaking voice betrayed him. “It doesn't have to be weird. I ju- I just want everything to be back to the way it was before.”

Shiro's tense body fell apart at the weight of Keith's words. It felt like his heart was trying to run away and a dizzying pressure was building up in his head. There were just some things that couldn't be undone.

“That's impossible, Keith.” Shiro felt like Keith didn't know what he was asking. He couldn't just take it all back. He had already pleaded with his heart to stop making things worse. If he could stop loving Keith in such a vulgar way, he would have by now. He was just too fucking selfish, and his feelings were so incredibly stubborn. 

He felt a tug from the corner of his shirt, the sudden shock tearing him from his thoughts making him look back. Keith stared up at him hiccuping through sloppy tears that dripped down his disheveled face. “Please!” He begged voice quivering, “Please don't leave me again, Shiro!” 

Shiro's heart sank to his stomach as he ripped his eyes away. “I can't do this.” He repeated, because he knew if he stayed he would be taking advantage of a person who didn't want to lose the closest friend they had in this world. He opened the door, walking out into the frigid void.

“Shiro, wait!” Keith yelled, but he made no move to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The damn chapter spacing always give me problems and I’m over it. Bless this mess.
> 
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr](https://burbking-art.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/burbking)


	4. Clarity

_'Why did I walk away from him?'_ Shiro brooded after returning to the secure confinement of his room. The little voice in the back of his head urged further, ' _I should go back, I made him cry. He begged me to stay and I fucking abandoned him.'_ He stood there looking at the door, genuinely considering whether to retrace his steps back to Keith and give in to his worst desires. Unfortunately his better judgment took hold of him, ridding him of the thought and grounding his feelings. He went to the door, locked himself in, and tried to think.

The sense of grief was hitting him like a freight train; he knew that he’d essentially walked out on Keith in more than one way. It was like he’d metaphorically slammed a door on their friendship and threw away the key. He wasn't sure if there would be any sort of recovery after leaving like that when Keith had made himself so _exposed_. He made the safe choice to escape that situation, it had already taken all of his self control to not pin Keith down and use his mouth to take over what Keith's hands were doing. If he had stayed he knew he wouldn't have been able to hold back and the friendship would have been fucked regardless. It was better to be hated for leaving then hated for taking advantage of the situation and forcing his desperate unwanted feelings onto Keith. He raised his palms balling up his fists and smacking himself on the head with a groan.

His mind kept coming back to how he’d still left Keith, even through his desperate pleas. Shiro trudged to his shower, not sure what else to do but wash away the day and sleep (even though he was pretty sure it was only the middle of the day). Not that he had a great gauge of what time it was in space, aside from the lights in the ship. With a quick wash and a change he padded back over to his bed and threw his weight into it, sprawling on his back and staring aimlessly at the ceiling. It didn't take long however for his body to give in and drift off into sleep.

 

\--

 

His dreams were a foggy haze, but they were _all_ about Keith. Each dream seeming more complex and realistic as his body started to wake, straddling the edges of consciousnesses. In this lucid dream, he held Keith in his arms, stroking his hair; he swore he could feel the thick soft strands between his fingers and the warmth were he held Keith flush to his body. He inhaled Keith's comforting scent, something that was so vividly ingrained in his memories, he wasn't surprised by how realistic it was. His mind was gaining more awareness at this point, but he willed himself to stay asleep, or at the least to continue this dream.

The pressure of dream Keith’s body against his chest was nice and comforting. Maybe if he just... thought about it hard enough, a dream this vivid could turn into something a little more… Shiro moved his hips, reality mimicking dream and he felt real friction against his inner thigh. It felt good. It felt so good that he did it again, and again, and-

He heard a soft grunt against his ear, but it sounded too real to be just his imagination. His eyes shot open: there was a smaller, warm sleeping body resting on top of his! Shiro's mind zoned out as his instincts to lay there and listen to Keith's steady breathing tried to overtake his adrenaline and instincts to flea. He went completely rigid as panic set in. He realized with shame that he had just totally been dry humping Keith's leg. He attempted to gain his bearings as the reality of the situation was setting in, his mind reeling. His dream seemed to have been playing out in reality, and he was still too groggy to understand what was going on.

He became aware that his hand was still tangled in Keith's hair so he retracted it immediately and pushed himself up. The sudden movement sent Keith’s head sliding down Shiro’s torso before the younger man caught himself, now fully awake, and propped himself up with his elbows on either side of Shiro's hips. Keith blinked up lazily at Shiro as he let out a yawn. The majority of his body rested between Shiro's legs but by some miracle, no part of Keith was touching his half-hard boner, even though his face was entirely too close for comfort.

“What are you doing?” Shiro asked, voice cracking as he tried to cover the alarm, still hoarse with sleep.

“I kinda snuck into your room last night.” Keith admitted with a nondescript look on his face, as if it was the most reasonable explanation in the world.

“My door was locked.” He muttered bleary eyed and still confused.

Keith’s eyes grew wide as he came to the sudden realization of what he had done last night. He gasped and whispered guiltily, “Fuck. I broke your door.”

“Oh, that makes sen- you WHAT?!” Shiro exclaimed, brain finally kicking in and his eyes growing wide in disbelief.

He responded in one long breath: “I did something stupid in front of you yesterday and I drank to forget about it but I may have gone overboard and I wanted to talk to you and I couldn't find Pidge or Hunk so I persuaded the security panel that it could take the night off and… removed it from the wall so I could get in.” Keith took another breath. “When I got here you were sleeping, and sleeping sounded really nice so I went to sleep too. Here. On top of you. B-but only because there wasn't a lot of room! And the floor looked uncomfortable. Shit.  I’ll ask Pidge to help me fix it.” He rambled a bit flustered.

Shiro's mind was racing, not even stopping to humor the idea that he was mad. He didn't need to make this more awkward then it was, but boy, if anyone thought his brain would cooperate this early in the morning they would be dead wrong.

“You wanted to talk to me that bad?” It sounded more like he was teasing the paladin rather than reprimanding him. He let out a breathy chuckle. He didn't expect Keith to answer in ernest... maybe shrug it off in embarrassment as sobriety made him come to his senses. However, there was no response for a while, not verbal at least.

Keith's breathing was shallow against his chest, and when the black haired paladin slowly brought his head up to meet Shiro's gaze he finally said, “I don't think you realize exactly what I want from you.” He’d stated this flatly, tense but trying to stay composed. All of the prior bashfulness of door breaking completely dissapaiting, replaced by irritation.

This conversation was taking a dangerous turn, Shiro's cheeks were still slightly flushed from the embarrassment of accidentally humping Keith and now with the way Keith was talking he couldn't help but imagine innuendos in his words.

Shiro turned his head away breaking eye contact. “No, I understand,” he cleared his throat. “We can forget about the past few days and pretend nothing ever happened. Everything can go back to being normal. That's what you were asking for yesterday, right?”

Keith stayed quiet and still until Shiro worked up the courage to look back up at him, but he almost regret he had when he saw that Keith’s eyebrows were furrowed like he was deliberating his next words carefully. Shiro's inner thoughts rambled anxiously; ' _What if he decides to cut everything off completely instead? What if he tells me he hates me and he doesn't want to see my face anymore?'_ He was having a hard time realizing the disparity of his worries and the reality of the situation. Keith finally opened his mouth to speak, but Shiro's hand shot up to cover it. Keith's muffled protests vibrated mutely against his hand.

Concern plastered Shiro's face as he quickly tried to explain, “Wait before you say anything-” Keith reached up just as quickly to swat Shiro's hand away, but he wouldn't budge, “no please just listen. You're the best thing in my life and I don't want to lose what we have because of what you saw.” Keith's protest died down as Shiro continued, “I know that was probably disturbing, but you don't have to feel forced to do anything to make it even, I don't want that okay?” Shiro's face softened as he spoke, trying to convey his concern. His hand dropped when he finished, revealing a not so pleased looking Keith.

“ _Force_ myself?” He huffed, “I had no control every time you left me before. I couldn't stop any of the times the universe took you from me because I was too stupid to fight for what I wanted and I was too powerless to stop it even if I tried. All I’ve ever done is chase you.” Keith continued, pushing himself up and onto his knees, a dangerous fire blazed in his eyes, making Shiro feel as though his soul was being devoured just from the meer eye contact. Keith wasn't much taller than him like this, but his body language made it seem like he was towering over him. His voice was firm, but expression vulnerable as he spoke again: “I had control of what I was doing yesterday, and I have control of what I’m doing now. You made me fall in love with you when we met, so this isn't up to you or the universe anymore. Now I’m holding you captive, and I’m not letting you get away, Shiro.” He placed his palms firmly on Shiro's chest, pushing him roughly against the wall, moving his legs, bringing his knees over Shiro's thighs, and pinning Shiro down with them on either side of his hips.

Shiro’s stunned face betrayed him, eyes growing huge and jaw dropping. “What did you just say,” he whispered in awe, the words sinking in as he watched his love lean in closer. His love. Keith loved him?

“You heard me,” Keith said firmly, but he looked away losing some of his confidence and growing hot with embarrassment.

“Say it again. I need to hear it again,” Shiro pushed, wanting to make sure he wasn't still dreaming.

Looking a bit confused by Shiro's answer, Keith turned back to search his eyes for signs of some cruel joke, but found none. He glanced at Shiro’s mouth and demanded bluntly, “Kiss me.”

More than willing to comply, Shiro placed his hand on the back of Keith head, pulling him closer. He pressed their lips together gently, savouring the first time they were meeting like this. His heart beat erratically in his chest but he grinned into the kiss as they slowly became more relaxed with the closeness of each others bodies. His hands instinctively ran up Keith’s legs, pulling him down from his knees so his crotch would settle against his own in his lap. He let his warm tongue ghost against Keith's mouth, asking for permission to go further. Keith parted his lips obediently and let Shiro greedily fill his mouth.

As Shiro let the reality of what he was doing sink in, the kiss became edged with desperation, almost frantic in its intensity, and Keith couldn't stop himself from whimpering helplessly. He pulled away to look at Keith, their mouths parting on a hitched breath.

Keith moved his hips, grinding down on Shiro's lap, rubbing their erections together with delicious friction. Shiro let out a low moan, Keith was taking this faster than he had expected but he had been yearning for this too. Keith stared at Shiro, who seemed to be completely lost to the world around him. His eyes were desperate and mouth was parted like he was wanted to beg; beg for Keith to take more, and the thought that he was doing that to the older paladin made his thrusts go wild and messy. Keith reached down frantically trying to release his cock from from it's clothed prison and after a few seconds it sprung free with enthusiasm resting against Shiro's stomach.

Shiro involuntarily licked his lips at the sight of it, he pushed Keith down onto his back, so now he could be the one straddling Keith. “Do you know what you do to me, Keith? What just being around you does to me?” He asked looking down at Keith who responded with a noise that almost sounded like a ‘what?’ He smirked, “You make me irrational, every part of me craves you. It's so hard to control myself around you.”

His slid his own pants down slowly and lowered his dick to Keith's, pinning him in place and holding his hips down so he could have full control of the movements, rutted their hard lengths together. Keith whined at the torturously slow rhythm Shiro had set and tried to buck up to hurry the pace along.

“Don't be impatient,” the older man cooed, but he began to move faster despite his own words due to his own restlessness. Shiro brushed his face against Keith's neck, and Keith's fingers scrambled along Shiro's shirt, trying to find purchase.

“I want to ruin you.” Shiro said, the words coming out muffled. His lips hotly covered Keith throat with soft kisses. He nuzzled into the crook of Keith's neck and then he bit down, hard, sucking a deep bruise.

“I- oh fuck Shiro! Fuck!” Keith choked on a sob caused by the arousing pain. “It’s too good. I can't. I-” he knew he was making all kinds of embarrassing noises but he couldn't bring himself to care. It was a miracle he had been able to respond with coherent words at all. Shiro's dick was hot and wet against his, the head catching just above his own on every thrust. The friction was too dry, even with the help from the pre-come both of them are leaking, but it was just the right kind of painful.

Shiro brought his hand down to Keith's chest, pulling up his shirt and thumbing over the soft sensitive skin if his nipples. But one hand wasn't enough for the both of them so he dipped his head down to take up the slack, sucking soft kisses onto one as cool metal teased the other. Shiro's motions grew erratic, his hips thrusting at a brutal pace, and just as Keith thought he might last a little longer, Shiro's hot mouth pressed back against his and he moaned, deepening the blush on Keith's cheeks. When they parted he was panting in desperation.

"Fuck, Shiro, I'm gonna..."

“That’s right, be good for me and cum.” Shiro growled— and Keith was done for, just like that. Pearlescent warmth burst in thick waves from his twitching cock covering their stomachs. Keith was absolutely losing his mind and he may have expressed some of it aloud in feverish moans because Shiro let out a wrecked sob around Keith's name and then he too was losing himself as he came.

Keith could feel his dick convulsing, oversensitive and overstimulated as Shiro thrust lazily a few more times with his hips riding out his own orgasm, before he buried his face in the sweat covered skin of Keith's neck and held on as though for dear life. Both of their post orgasm messes laid between them, warm and sticky and mixing together.

When Shiro finally caught his breath he flipped himself over onto his back bringing Keith with him, letting the smaller man lay on top, still holding him tightly in his embrace.

“This isn't going to be the first and last time we do this, right?” Keith questioned hiding his face in Shiro's chest.

"Not unless that's what you want, but I want to actually make love to you,” he said tightening his hold. “I want to unravel your insides the same way you do to me when I catch you looking at me out of the corner of your eyes. I want you to feel how desperately I need you.”. Now that he had tasted his sweet ambrosia, only death could quell his want. “I'll make such a beautiful mess of you," he murmured resting his chin on the top of Keith's soft messy hair.

No response. “...Keith?” He questioned immediately loosening his grip, not having fully realized how tightly he was holding on.

There was a small gasp and the black haired paladin looked up from where he had buried his head, face red and on the verge of tears. Shiro was taken aback by the embarrassment on the paladin’s face. “Sorry, I just... forgot how to speak,” he choked. “When you were brought back from death, I knew I’d finally found you, but this, this is more than I had hoped for.”

Shiro’s expression softened as he planted a kiss on the smaller man’s forehead. “Just knowing that you were looking for me was the only thing that kept my soul alive.” He said gently, continuing to stroke his fingers through the raven hair, tucking loose strands back into the ruffled mess, “I love you so fucking much, Keith.”

A satisfied hum of approval came from Keith's mouth. “We should clean ourselves up before we're cemented together,” he added.

“That doesn't sound too bad actually. Let's stay like this,” Shiro teased with a cheeky grin that spread from ear to ear.

“Gross!” Keith retorted smacking him playfully on the shoulder and laughing until he couldn't breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely used a cheap ass plot device here because I didn't want their separation to be drawn out and boring so Keith gets a little kick from liquid courage to rush it along.
> 
> Idk if you guys know this but fun fact: writing sex scenes make me uncomfortable as fuck.
> 
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr](https://corrosivedemigod.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/burbking)


	5. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This whole chapter is gratuitous porn because I am but a simple dirt goblin. I laughed really hard over the whole 'I can't tell who's jizz this is' part. Sorry, not sorry.

There was no reason Keith needed to be laughing as hard as he was. Maybe he was still a bit drunk? Or maybe fate was cruel and actually this was some sort of ironic heart attack and he was dying... or maybe it was the reality of it all, finally lifting from his shoulders the anxiety and stress of harbouring one-sided feelings for his best friend. He’d taken a pretty ballsy leap of faith and it all could have gone much much worse. Whatever it was, he needed to calm down before Shiro started thinking he was a goddamn lunatic.

After catching his breath and quieting down the giggling (for the most part), Keith peeled himself away from Shiro. He paused where the exposed skin from their raised shirts had already started to stick together, taking care not to yank out any sensitive hairs. It was kinda gross in hindsight, but is was also still a part of Shiro that was on him so he couldn't really describe it as gross per se...

Having not really removed any article of clothing, sorta just pushing them out of the way, made for a pretty quick cover up. He thanked the stars he didn't have to root around the room awkwardly coving himself, trying to find his pants. He still felt weirdly self conscious around Shiro, who’s silent gaze Keith could feel was tracing his every movement.

"Gonna take a shower first," Keith mumbled explaining his quick exit, dashing toward the bathroom in Shiro's quarters. Once he'd closed the door, he began to strip off his soiled clothes, taking care to not wipe away any of the drying cum that had collected on his torso. He reached into the shower, turned it on, and waited for the water to steam before he stepped in.

Keith took a moment to consider his reflection in the large mirror on the left wall. Curious, he gave himself a once over and took no time before he began to grin, absolutely delighted by what he saw. His pale skin sported tiny pink bruises all over his chest, his nipple still perky and red. Another bruise, huge and red had flowered on his soft skin from Shiro's love bite. Craning his neck to get a better look at it sent short dull waves of pain down his body, further cementing all of this. Then there was of course the consummate proof of it all; sticky white liquid painting his navel. ' _This is Shiro's_ ,' was all he could think. ' _My cum is right there next to his and I can't even tell what's his and what's mine.'_ He trailed his fingers through the mess, sporting a dopey little grin on his face. "I'm so disgusting," he said aloud to himself, but it didn't matter because it was real. Everything that had just happened was so real. Keith's unoccupied hand moved up, coming to a rest on the sore red rose that had begun to blossom purple on his neck. He dug his fingertips into it, the shock sending pleasure straight to his dick, which was already springing back to life. He winced and hissed through his teeth, keeping one hand on the hickey, the other palm flat in the jizz, sliding down to grab hold of his-

"Are you going to let the water get cold?" Came Shiro's voice from behind him.

"SHIT!" Keith shrieked with a start, his eyes darted around the room searching in vain for a towel to cover himself up.

Warm, taut skin pressed up against Keith's now rigid back. Shiro nuzzled his face against his handy work on Keith's neck, pressing a kiss to it and prompting a whine from the raven haired paladin. "Do you like it?" Shiro murmured low into his ear.

"What are you doing in here?" Keith whimpered, too embarrassed to answer. He closed his eyes, pretending his face wasn’t growing bright red.

"I'm joining you," Shiro responded firmly, tilting Keith's face to the side so he could litter soft kisses up to his cheek. "I'm still feeling a little filthy. I thought touching you more would make me feel clean," he murmured.

"That's so cheesy," Keith whispered prompting a chuckle from Shiro.

Shiro pulled them a few steps back from the sink and peered down at Keith's hands which were chastely covering his crotch, effectively shielding it from view. Shiro let out a dissatisfied noise, almost pouting. "Let me see you, don't hide from me," he said, feeling Keith slowly relaxing again.

Keith stepped away, turned around, and raised his hands, cupping them around his mouth and nose instead. He took a few deep breaths before he opened his eyes and let his hands fall to his sides.

Shiro was letting out quick breaths through his nose, completely lost as his eyes took in every perfect inch of Keith's body. It took so much for him to not drop his jaw to the ground, but he wanted to at least seem like he had his shit together.

Keith was so in his own world he hadn't noticed Shiro's face; he too was studying the curves of his love’s body. Keith had seen it before of course when he had walked in on Shiro, but now he could actually fully take it in. All the scars that covered his body, his beautifully toned muscles. It was perfect, _Shiro_ was perfect.

He pulled Keith close to him, chest to chest, and walked him backwards into the spray of the water. Shiro clung to him desperately, not from fear of letting him fall, but fear of waking up and realizing this had all been a dream. He felt so real, and all Shiro wanted to do was drown in him.

The water was hot against their skin, washing away the mess and sweat from their bodies. Keith's hair clung damply to his face, reaching his mouth. He made an effort to shake it into a less obstructive position but his vain efforts had to be assisted. Shiro brushed the soft curtain out of his eyes with a grin. They didn't have long to relax though, because Shiro was already sliding his hands down Keith's body to his waist. He pulled them slightly out from under the cascade, wanting to avoiding a mouthful of water because of what he was about to do. Keith wriggled under his touch as Shiro ran his hands down pale skin, fingers mapping out every curve and dip of the smaller man’s warm chest. The heat of the water had made his prosthetic arm warm to the touch against Keith’s hips; he braced himself on there and sank to his knees. Keith's nails dragged raised red paths against Shiro's back as he descended.

A large calloused hand wrapped around Keith, slowly but devoid of uncertainty, and a shiver fought its way up the younger man’s spine. Shiro teased the tip of Keith's dick, sliding it faintly against the corner of his open mouth, making sure Keith was watching and focusing a bit at the underside of the shaft with his thumb. When Keith realized he wasn't going to put it in -because Shiro was some kind of fucking sadist- he jerked his hips forward in desperation, missing his mark completely. Shiro smirked letting Keith’s cock slide wetly along his cheek.

He used the fact that his face was positioned closer to Keith’s lower abdomen to his advantage, peppering kisses around the base of Keith's dick, starting from the top and moving in a sort of semi circle until he had reached the underside. Finally using his tongue, he drew a warm wet line from base to tip in an almost flourished display, popping the tip into his mouth while keeping eye contact the whole time. Keith's lips parted in a shaky breath, one hand finding itself resting on Shiro's shoulder, the other finding purchase in his white hair. The hair had gotten longer than they were both used to, still short but no longer shaved quite so close to the skull. When Keith gave it a light tug, Shiro hummed in delight around his cock, promoting Keith to tighten his grip sending pleasure straight to Shiro's dick. He’d never realised how sensitive his scalp was, and made a mental note to keep his hair this length from now on so those perfect slender fingers could pull on it to their heart's content.

Smooth metallic fingers trailed over the sensitive skin where Keith's inner thigh met his groin, sliding slowly back, until Shiro was resting his slick fingers on Keith's entrance, tracing small circles and waiting for him to relax. All while he had continued to do work in the front, sucking Keith off with long, deep pulls and wide strokes of his tongue, not bobbing all the way down but letting his hand move with his lips picking up the slack. He slid his mouth off to the tip of Keith's cock, letting his tongue glide between the slit encouraging a low moan from his love.

Keith tried to calm himself, taking deep breaths and letting his muscles loosen. Shiro must have been satisfied by the effort, because Keith felt the slow, gentle slide of one long finger inside of him perfectly matching the careful pace Shiro's lips took. He slid back down Keith's cock at a torturously slow speed, swallowing the raven haired paladin’s cock down to the base, just as his finger hits knuckle-deep. Keith saw stars and started cursing, closing his eyes and going a bit weak in the knees as Shiro worked in and out slowly, letting him get adjusted.

When the world finally came back into focus, he realized Shiro's hand was missing from his cock. He also noticed that the paladin’s shoulder was moving up and down in a very telling way. Shiro was hard and jacking himself off as he sucked Keith’s dick, and the realization of that was fucking heart stopping. Keith had no idea how any of this was happening, how the person he loved was just as eager to love him back. He definitely wasn't prepared for how turned on it made him. It sent Keith bucking into Shiro's mouth, a sort of hunger filling his eyes. Keith wasn't particularly small by any means and the sudden force of the thrusts made Shiro's throat burn, but he let Keith keep going because he was willing to let him do anything, as long as he kept looking at him like that.

Shiro brought a second finger gently against him and waited, asking permission; his love shook his head desperately assuring him that he was fine. The confident grin had gone from his face as he focused on multitasking but most importantly; not hurting Keith. He closed his eyes in concentration as his finger picked up the pace and he started to scissor them apart. By the time Shiro peaked back up, the younger paladin was struggling to keep it together. Keith was trying not to breathe as heavily as his lungs fucking needed to, but he was so turned on it hurt.

As Shiro's fingers slid in and out of Keith with relative ease, the implication sent a question prickling at the back of his neck. He freed his mouth to ask, "Did you already spread yourself down here?"

"Yeah," Keith hummed. "I wanted to be ready, in case things turned out in my favour."

"Oh fuck Keith, don’t do this to me," Shiro warned, only half-joking, adding a third finger. If Keith had already done this before coming to see him, had he done it on other occasions with the same goal in mind? Had Keith _really_ thought of him the way he thought of Keith _every fucking moment_ of his day? Did Keith know that he absolutely consumed Shiro's mind?

"I fucked myself the other night too, when you were outside my door. After I saw you all fucked out and spent," Keith said huskily, words dripping with provocation. "It took me a while to adjust to your size."

Those words were apparently the man’s breaking point, because he moaned and took Keith deep again, slamming his fingers up into him, swallowing and bobbing his head, letting Keith's loud moans wash over him. Keith cried out, panting and arching up into him. The curl of Shiro's fingers were too much, slamming on Keith's prostate over and over. Shiro was losing his mind and he was taking Keith's with him. Shiro's name was pouring out of Keith's mouth as he got closer to the edge, and in his desperation for this moment with Shiro to never end, Keith needed to hold himself back from releasing early.

"Fuck- Shiro, s-stop!" Keith gasped, Shiro freezing dead in his tracks.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked, concerned.

"No, I’ll cum if you keep going," Keith admitted through panted breaths. "I wanna feel you inside me, I can't wait anymore."

The sudden burst of adrenaline snapped Shiro out of his lust filled haze, oddly enough, reminding him that hurting Keith was still a very real possibility. He pulled his fingers out slowly, Keith's body trying to follow them in protest. He looked around and reached for the conditioner hanging in the caddy under the shower faucet. It probably wasn't the best idea, but it was lube in a pinch seeing how they were out in the middle of space; he wasn't sure when the next time an opportunity to get his hands on anything more suitable would present itself. Keith braced his palms flat against the wall as Shiro coated his fingers liberally with the makeshift lube, spreading it into Keith's ass, discarding the bottle and using the rest on his dick.

He braced his own hands on either side of Keith's as he bent down resting his face onto Keith's unmarred shoulder. He bared his teeth and latched onto the skin as he guided himself in with short thrusts. Keith let out a sharp hiss as Shiro bottomed out, unaware that he had been holding his breath. He had found it more difficult than he expected adjusting to the size. Shiro, it seemed, had been aware of this fact keeping his lower half completely still trying to give Keith time to relax while littering his back with apologetic kisses.

"Tell me when you're ready," he said as he rested his head on Keiths shoulder and spoke into his ear. Keith nodded in response. Shiro reached down to Keith's stomach, sliding his hands over the paladin's lower abdomen and dragging his fingertips across the skin's surface. They came to a rest on Keith hardened nipples, playing with them as Keith twiched under his grasp. In an effort to test his limits, Keith brought himself up and down on Shiro's cock, then tried it again to make sure he was still good.

Keith attempted to look back at Shiro, but the pain of moving his neck too far in any direction drew out a sharp inhale through his clenched teeth. Instead he just nodded hoping it would be enough, not trusting his voice in fear of it cracking.

Shiro matched his pace to Keith's trial run, thrusting in small shallow movements. Keith's body arched back and he reached for something to grab onto, finding Shiro's hips and digging his nails firmly in.

It was almost embarrassing, the way Shiro's control was slipping because of how amazing Keith felt around him, and the way he writhed underneath him. His even thrusts started to shake because he wanted more and he was damn close to taking it. He wanted to ask if it was okay for him to move faster, to fuck Keith harder, to make him beg for mercy, but Keith was a step ahead of him. He grabbed at Shiro's hand covering the top with his palm and threading their fingers together. He brought their hands up to his mouth, placing Shiro's palm against his lips to stifle the noises he was making and let out a low groan that leaked out around the efforts anyway, his desperation hot between them, and neither of them needed to ask. Shiro pressed Keith against the wall, moving to wrap his free trembling arm around the brunette's thin waist, and when he sped up his thrusts and fucked him harder, Keith's soft moans grew louder, begging for more. He bit down on Shiro's hand and screamed with a fervor matching the way Shiro was slamming his cock into him. He gave him more as Keith's sounds reverberated loudly in the thick, steamy air around them. Keith grabbed at the base of his dick trying to hold out for as long as possible.

Shiro pressed his chest against Keith's back as he fucked into him, unable to keep himself from putting his mouth where ever he could reach on the younger paladin. Desperate to be close to him; he could at least taste him even if their lips didn't meet. Keith arched back into him, releasing his mouth’s hold on the large hand and throwing his head back with a cry of Shiro's name. The white haired man groaned and bit down on the nape of Keith's neck.

"I need to look at you," Keith begged between heavy pants.

On the same page, Shiro wasted no time pulling out and turing Keith around in his grasp. He grabbed him by the thighs and hitched him up off the ground. Keith instinctively wrapped himself around Shiro, legs around his waist and arms tightly around his neck. The taller man backed them into the wall again for purchase and worked his hands up Keith's thighs to spread his ass apart, resting his tip at the entrance.

Forgetting his own words almost immediately, Keith’s mouth fell to Shiro's neck, covering it along with his chest in sloppy wet kisses. He sucked at the skin each time trailing his tongue over the marks to sooth the bites before moving on to blank canvas and repeating the process. Every moan of his name from Shiro was a shortcut to oblivion, pulling him further into his want.

"Look at me, Keith," Shiro murmured firmly, sliding his fingers up along the side of Keith's neck over the most predominant bruise; Keith shivered in response. His hand drifted upwards, tracing Keith’s jaw, resting at his chin, slowly guiding it and tipping his head up. Keith had subconsciously leaned in closer towards Shiro, only realising when Shiro's warm breath hit his lips, inches away.

He’d never seen Shiro look so… wild. He was panting, hair a mess sticking out in all different directions, a blush consuming him, eyes dark; pupils blown to high hell. All pretenses of the calm collected man that he normally was utterly torn apart at the seams. Shiro placed his forehead to Keith's nipping for his lips but not quite letting them touch.

"Tell me you're mine" he pleaded desperately into Keith's mouth.

Keith's dick twitched between them and he swallowed down the lump in his throat hard, he'd never wanted to assure someone of anything more in his life. How could Shiro not know already? "Every piece of who I am will always belong to you."

Shiro inhaled sharply through gritted teeth, realising he hadn't been breathing. He plunged his entire cock deep into Keith's ass, the force making a scream hitch in Keith's throat. Shiro picked his pace back up as their lips crashed together with such a manic furry it bordered on painful, but those words were the most delicious taste he'd ever had the pleasure of stealing from Keith's mouth.

Soft hands slid up from Shiro's chest into his hair grabbing lightly before the grip tightened and pulled them apart, the force enough of a warning. "Don't you ever fucking leave me again." Keith growled. His hands and arms effortlessly transitioned into a tight embrace as he buried himself into Shiro, trying to pull them impossibly closer.

"I want to wake up to you for the rest of my life,” Shiro assured. “No matter where I go I want you with me."

Even if he hadn't heard the sincerity in Shiro’s voice, Keith would have believed him because he would do anything to make those words his reality.

Shiro thrusted quick and deep, shifting so he could fuck along that sweet spot where he’d rubbed his fingers and had drawn out perfect cries of his name from his love’s lips. When he found it, Keith broke. Every place their bodies touched felt like a livewire in the water. Keith started babbling incoherently, tears pricking at his eyes, the only words managing to make any sense being the "don't stop!" he chanted like a mantra.

The paladin dug his nails into Shiro's shoulders, pulling and scratching as Shiro thrust into him. He moaned into Keith's ear, muttering shaky praises, the sounds almost lost in the increasing volume of his love’s pleasure. His hands slid down and curved around Keith's tight ass with a squeeze, making Keith shudder and give a choked gasp. Shiro pulled back from Keith's ear just in time to watch the intoxicating way his face fell into an expression of absolute bliss when he came hard between them.

Keith tightened around Shiro, thighs gripping him firmly, and the quick, pounding pace he had kept was enough to drive him over the edge with the perfect way Keith's heat held him tight. He gave a soft, panting cry, tilting his head back, fucking them both through their orgasms as much as he could possibly take before he buried himself in Keith and just shook. His dick rubbed inside Keith, every tiny twitch from him making Keith's overly sensitive insides jolt. Shiro didn't pull away, though, still trapped between pale thighs and hooked to Keith's panting little gasps and tight embrace.

"Can you stand?" he asked, propping on arm on the wall for balance as he guiding them back under the stream of water.

Keith made a vague noise of apprehension, focussing more on the opportunity his muscles had to soak in the hot water. Shiro shifted his grasp, wrapping one arm around Keith's waist, the other on his right leg guiding it to the floor. He pulled out slowly, his cum following behind, leaking down Keith's thighs. Keith hadn't realized the amount of tension that he’d been holding from clinging to Shiro. When he tried to stand on his own, his legs gave out, the only thing keeping him up were the arms he had around Shiro's neck and the arm Shiro had wrapped around his waist in return. Keith giggled at the mortified look Shiro had given him, kissing it away.

When they parted Keith tested his legs again while inspecting the impressive set of pink marks on Shiro's chest; something to claim him all his own. Keith leaned into his handiwork resting his warm cheek against him, and Shiro kissed the top of his head gently.

Adjusting to his new body may have been hard, and trusting his memories to forget the instincts the Galra had left in him even worse. He was relieved that he didn't have to rely on the monster inside of himself anymore. He didn't have to be scared of taking advantage of the one person he loved; this had been Keith's choice.

He reached for the shampoo and squeezed out a dollop before replacing the bottle and lathering it in his Keith's hair. Keith let out a content sigh nustling deeper into his chest.

"Looks like you're stuck with me now," Keith joked as a soft smile found its way to his face.

"That's the best problem I've ever had," Shiro replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I've appreciated all the comments and support so much. If you have any suggestions for how I can improve, or have any requests for stories you would like to read in the future tell me on [Tumblr](https://corrosivedemigod.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/burbking)
> 
> Don't use conditioner as lube guys. It's not strictly safe so don't get any fucking ideas.
> 
> EDIT:  
> Hey y'all I commissioned art from Cocky cuz I fucking love their style and I spent a good 10 minutes crying when I saw it. My life is so much better now bc of them I swear.
> 
>  
> 
> Please follow Cocky on all their social media and shower them with love!!  
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**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to Torowa for helping me edit. I’m a useless boob without you, my dude.
> 
> Please comment, I crave feedback!


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